Goodbye Blame, Hello Change
Let’s talk about my romantic life regarding beliefs, blame and bravery. It is not exactly what our modern dating world would label as a success – that is from the outside, of course. I am 44, single and never married to date. I have had a several long term, significant relationships. I have also had many shorter dating relationships which should make me a pro at it! This has been one area of my life where I’ve wanted things to pan out yet kept running into road blocks. I have met many amazing men where things didn’t fully connect at the time we were together. I have also met men who fulfilled every self-fulfilling negative belief I’ve had and then some!
I used to blame my past of not having a father figure or default to not being worthy of love. I assumed that was how things were going to be for me. Funny thing about blaming is while it temporarily shifts the responsibility off you, it also doesn’t change a damn thing!
Once blaming got redundant, I thought, “Marli, you are the common denominator here, you should look into that”. NOT the most fun realization but a life altering one.
Soon after, I hired a relationship coach and did the painful work of owning up to how I was contributing to my relationships not working out. I get it – the negative (old) beliefs, assumptions and expectations that things will always turn out the same way as before are REAL! They are ingrained in us all in one form or another, likely in many areas. They are not easy to break but if you want something enough, you will do what it takes to make it happen.
Romantic heartbreaks are something I felt might kill me when they happened, but clearly they didn’t. Each break, large or small, was a learning lesson if I chose to see it. It’s a humbling experience to be honest with yourself in how you play a role in your own messiness.
It takes a lot of practice and intention to put your lessons to work and know that it won’t kill you to try again but it just might make you stronger. Each brave step helps you regain your confidence, positive beliefs are reinforced, and you start attracting more of what you want.
We have a choice of whether we want to stop blaming, look at our old beliefs, and brave into new territory. We also have the choice to repeat the same story in different forms, over and over.
We WILL keep experiencing the same lessons until we take note and more importantly take action to make some changes in ourselves.
As for me in the dating world, I am still out there braving it but with a much better attitude than before. I am more compassionate, less judgmental, and more open without questioning what others will think (as much, at least). It isn’t for the faint of heart, but it sure does feel a lot more genuine and satisfying.
I have learned the truer we are to ourselves in any realm, the less it feels like you will fall apart if something ends or changes.
Are you ready to be brave and take that first step into new territory? Call me for a 30 minute discovery session today!